Just peeking in for a bit until Steve gets home. I feel like being sort of random and scattered and actually doing something relaxing (like typing about everything and nothing) instead of running around feeling guilty for everything I should be doing.
Tomorrow I leave for Portland with the mother. That is all. No other children/spouses/relatives/friends are coming. Just the two of us. We are going to the Art and Soul crafting event and taking two classes: creating a fabric "anthology" portfolio thingie, and a crazy quilt purse. This event has been in the works since Silver Bella was cancelled in April. Despite the plethora of obstacles and family crisis over the past few months, we are still flying out of Denver tomorrow evening and arriving in Portland (and seeing Joan!) for the weekend. Our original plan was to take the HarriEd and find a babysitter, but when I calculated that she would be with a person she did not previously know for over 25 hours while I was in classes, I began to rethink our scheme. Not only would she not know the babysitter, but she would be in a new house when a new time zone, unknown napping and bedtime routine, etc. I would also spend a lot of money on the babysitter and all of the necessities to make H more comfortable. It just makes sense for her to stay home with her daddy in the morning and Clara in the evening when Steve goes to work. Then she can sleep in her own bed, eat at the normal times, nap as usual, and be with the people that she knows and loves. She probably won't really notice that I'm gone. Me, on the other hand? I'm really struggling with the idea of leaving her for five days. I know it's partially a pride thing because I have the tendency to think that I am the only one who can take care of Harriet properly, comfort her adequately, and so on. Also, I worry that something will happen to her that could have been prevented if I were home. I feel like it's back when I was so nervous about letting her sleep as a newborn. I wouldn't sleep all night because I was freaked out that something would happen if I wasn't watching her. Finally, I really had to trust God where the rubber met the road and truly acknowledge that he cares for Harriet infinitely more than I ever could. He is enough for her and he will care for her. Now I have to do that again. And I know I'll have to do that countless times for the rest of her life. Yeesh.
Today was busy but fun. First I ran over to Kid's Kloset to deliver some of the jeans I had altered and to leave an invoice for an outstanding alteration project. I love hemming jeans because it is so easy and relaxing, but it also provides a bit of extra cash for my other crafty projects. The funny thing is that whenever I go to the store to deliver a pair of finished jeans, the clerk will say, "Oh I'm so glad you're here! I have more jeans for you!" That has happened twice this week. It is such a blessing to have a little money-maker that uses my natural inclinations and gifts. Thanks, God.
After coming home and cleaning the house up a bit, Clara and Jemima, and Kylie and her two kids came over for lunch and craftiness. We had been planning to make these fabric pumpkins for a few weeks. Even though I was beginning to wonder what I was getting myself into with having people over the day before The Big Trip, it was worth the screaming children, food flying everywhere, dog running away, etc, to push things through and make the pumpkins. They turned out to be such cute little guys! Pictures are forthcoming.
I like having a chance to let Kylie and Clara and their respective children hang out at my house. I really want to develop relationships with other moms that result in a supportive friendship, and not a guilt-inducing one. I feel like I can have Kylie over and my house does not have to be clean (the kids just completely bomb it anyway, so why bother?). My kitchen does not have to be spotless. I don't have to have make-up on or a perfectly coordinating outfit. I want friends to feel like they can come over and let their kids run a muck and it's okay. Because this is a season. Our kids won't always be screaming and stealing each others' cups...just because. Someday they will be old enough to stay home by themselves and then we can go get pedicures. But in the meantime, there needs to be support and acceptance. It needs to be okay to stop being a Good Girl...just for a little while.
(I've got to order the Grace for the Good Girl book. Just reading the first chapter was so convicting and helpful.)
Oops, Steve is home. I'll have to detail the magic of the chiropractor at a later date.
See you after Portland!